Abolish the TSA: The Global Security Scam That Stole Your Dignity

🗓️ July 17, 2025

Inspired by Jacob Sullum’s takedown of the TSA’s shoe rule is what sparked this column. This is the detonation it deserved. Read it here…

Let’s Start With the Dumbest Part

The TSA makes pilots and flight attendants go through the same absurd screening as passengers. Yes — the same pilot who will shortly be handed the keys to a 90-ton flying fuel bomb…must: Remove his belt, Ditch his coffee, Surrender his toenail clippers, Stand in a radiation chamber.

TSA: “Just doing our job.”

Pilot: “I literally have access to the autopilot, fuel dump, and cockpit override codes.”

Flight attendants, too — credentialed, trained in de-escalation, medical triage, and self-defense — are treated like domestic terror suspects in the name of “uniform protocol.”

This is security policy by performative stupidity. And it’s only the beginning.

1. The Shoe Rule: A Case Study in Uselessness

It began with Richard Reid, the infamous “shoe bomber” who failed to ignite anything in 2001. The TSA’s response? Make everyone remove their shoes starting in 2006. Not one other shoe bomb has been found. Not one. And the TSA proudly proclaims, “See it working.” Classic mistaking results for causality. Maybe it’s because it less than an ideal way to bring down an airliner. But 18 years later, 30,000 years of human time have been sacrificed in security lines across America.

2. The Liquid Lie: Global Compliance Theater

Your 4oz toothpaste? Dangerous.

Your 1.5L bottle of vodka from Duty Free? Totally fine.

The 3.4oz rule — was based on a never-executed 2006 UK terror plot that chemists later said was chemically absurd. But the world copied it anyway. Because fear spreads faster than facts.

3. The Radiation Ritual: Assume the Position

Step into the scanner. Feet apart. Hands up. Look like a suspect. TSA body scanners are: Still used in U.S. airports, Banned in the EU for health and privacy concerns, Optically performative and functionally useless. And when the PreCheck lane closes? Even frequent flyers and diplomats get zapped. This isn’t threat detection — it’s biometric theater.

4. Class Warfare in the Terminal

If you pay for: TSA Pre, CLEAR, Global Entry... you skip the worst of the show. But fly economy without perks? You’re cattle. This is a two-tiered system of security humiliation. The privileged skip the nonsense; the masses endure it.

5. X-Rays and Guesswork

A TSA agent with 10 hours of training squints at your bag and decides: Curling iron or pipe bomb? Vibrator or weapon? Vape or explosive? Internal tests show they miss real threats 90% of the time. There’s no intelligence behind this — just guesswork under fluorescent lights.

What If They Actually Followed the Science?

The amazing Dr. Fauci once said: “You’ve got to follow the science.”

Okay, let’s try that:

No shoe removal, No liquid seizures, No full-body radiation pods, No treating every grandmother like a domestic terrorist, And no screening pilots or flight attendants.

“Following the science” would have dismantled the TSA years ago.

But they never followed science. They followed optics, fear, and contracts.

What TrumpGPT Will One Day Do

TrumpGPT — the predictive, AI-powered brain behind Trump’s second term — doesn’t care about rituals. It cares about results.

Under TrumpGPT: TSA would be abolished, Security would be AI-driven, behavioral-based, and efficient, Screening would be targeted, not universal, Pilots and flight crews would walk through untouched, as logic demands.

The TSA Monument to the Barefoot Traveler

Yes, we’re building one: Bronze foot mid-removal, TSA bin underneath, Sock halfway off, A digital ticker counting the years of life wasted.

Plaque reads:

“To the millions who stood barefoot and confused in government lines. For your patience, your time, and your blind obedience — we gave you nothing.”

Final Boarding Call

You weren’t protected. You were processed.

You removed your shoes. You tossed your liquids. You stood in radiation pods. You let a minimum wage worker question your nail clippers.

All while the captain — who could crash the plane in 3 seconds — was asked to pour out his shampoo.

This wasn’t safety. This was state-sponsored stagecraft.