September 1, 2025: Fed Reaches Inflation Target, Cheese Sandwich Costs $120

September 05, 2023

by Charles Hugh Smith Of Two Minds

In stock market news, toilet paper manufacturers continued rallying while tech and luxury-brand stocks continued their slide to decade lows.

September 1, 2025: The Federal Reserve announced that the nation’s inflation rate has finally reached its target of 3%, after seasonal and hedonic adjustments. “The brief period of modestly higher inflation from 2022 to 2025 has drawn to a close, and we are confident that the inflation rate can be maintained at 3%.”

When asked about the disparity between the official rate of inflation and soaring prices in the real world, the spokesperson declined to comment, referring reporters to a dossier of academic studies issued by the Fed over the past two years.

One heckler shouted, “We can’t eat academic studies!”